


Someone Else's Baby

by writeyourownlifestory



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF
Genre: Angst, Broken Hearts, F/M, Flashbacks, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Song Lyrics, Summer Camp, Weddings, music inspired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-12-25 13:56:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18262679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writeyourownlifestory/pseuds/writeyourownlifestory
Summary: I was young, didn't know 'bout love, you were wild, couldn't get enough. Gave my heart to another lover, don't know how I ever let you go.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> One hundred and ten percent based off the music video for "Baby" by Clean Bandit ft. Marina and Luis Fonsi.
> 
> Honest to god I couldn't come up with a description for this. Please just accept the lyrics and enjoy. 
> 
> PLEASE LISTEN/WATCH! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlznpxNGFGQ

__**Find me, in another place and time  
If only, if only you were mine  
But I'm already someone else's baby  
Guess I had my last chance  
And now this is our last dance  
You fell through the cracks in my hands  
Hard to say it's over  
But I'm already someone else's...**

 

When Ben heard Gwilym was getting married, he was esthetic. Hearing from old friends was always enjoyable, and to know they were excelling at life was even better. Ben would be lying if he said he kept tabs on all his old camp buddies. He had grown up since then; nearly ten years have passed since they left that place by the lake.

Regardless of that, Ben kept a handful of friendships from that time, even if half of them diminished as they got older. People grew apart, it couldn’t be stopped. Gwilym was one of the few that he still spoke to every now and then, as their careers coincided quite often enough for them to continue on with their budding friendship.

He wasn’t given a direct invitation but rather a swift email explaining the situation. Gwilym was getting married and the ceremony would take place at the very camp where Gwilym and Ben met. It was quite foolish, but terribly romantic at the same time. Ben didn’t even know if the camp was still running, but Gwilym rented out the place for the time being.

Ben didn’t have the best of memories from the camp, but who did? He was just a kid when he went there; seventeen — a spry little thing that barely knew how to hold his dick correctly. He ran around in short-shorts and stupid tee shirts with the logo of the place. It wasn’t the worst time of his life but he didn’t like to think of it often.

The only bright side of being abandoned at such a place on your summer vacation was the people he interacted with there. It was a close-knit group of people; most of which Ben hadn’t seen in years. He wondered if anybody else would be going and nearly replied with such in his RSVP email.

He traveled so much, he didn’t have a legitimate mailbox. Anything that needed to get to him went to his agents PO Box and the man handled it from there. His agent didn’t need to worry about him getting invited to weddings and such, so the email was just fine.

Of course, he would go, even if the idea of returning to the camp brought a strange tingle to Ben’s spine. When he arrived, he felt that familiar tingle run up his spine. It had been so, so long.

Ben had been so angry when his family shipped him off to the camp. It was right before his final year in school and the last place he wanted to be was some sleep way summer camp with a bunch of other rejects. The place itself was fine. It had a nice view from the lake and the other campers weren’t terrible. They were all suffering the same fate of being abandoned by their parents and sent away without another glance.

All in the same shorts and matching tee-shirts, they made the best of it by getting into trouble and causing a ruckus. Ben remembered more than on occasion when he and Gwilym had gotten sent to detention cabin due to some stupid prank they had pulled.

Looking back, it was all so ridiculous, but at the moment, it was innocent fun.

Despite being a locational wedding, Ben found that the guest list was quite small. Friends and family of both the bride and groom, including a handful of former campers. Ben recognized one of them right on the stop, heading over to greet Rami with a knowing grin.

He had seen the man a time or two since they left the place, with their careers crossing every now and then. Rami was another person Ben would get in trouble with, pulling pranks on the female campers by placing fake snakes near their tents or under their beds.

It was stupid and immature, but thats exactly what they were back then.

Another familiar face was one of those girls, who ran up to throw her arms around Ben with a delighted squeal. The last time he saw Lucy she had her hair in braided pigtails and she was helping him nurse a broken heart. Ben didn’t want to think about that however and hugged her right back, caught off guard by the sudden swell in her stomach.

It seemed Rami and Lucy had become a bit busy in the past few years. Ben was surprised as he was fairly certain Lucy hated Rami’s guts due to his never-ending antics, but none of that seemed to matter now.

“Allen is also here,” Lucy had mentioned as they walked together. “It will be just like old times.”

“Can’t wait.” Ben drawled, allowing the fellow blond to lead him to where they were staying.

They were staying in their old cabins, which had been rightfully decorated for the time. Ben just hoped the beds had been upgraded as well, as he didn’t have many good memories of getting decent night sleeps in there.

“So, when do I get to meet the bride to be?” Ben asked, turning his head to look to his old friend.

“Bride? Gwilym didn’t tell you?”

Ben quirked a brow upwards, waiting for Lucy to explain but she didn’t need to. Out in the distance, with a megaphone to his mouth, a former camper gave the usual welcoming shout.

“Attention all Camp Rhapsody campers! The time for fun is now! I repeat the time for fun is now! Let's get fucking crazy!”

Ben’s suitcase fell from his hand, hitting the dirt with a small thump. Any other time he would be in pieces at the thought of his designer carrier getting dirty, but it didn’t matter at this moment.

The last time he had seen Joe Mazzello was when he was breaking the brunet’s heart. When he pushed him away and walked off the dock, swearing to forget all about the time they shared together. Why the bloody fuck would he want to come back to this place?

And then he saw it. Gwilym laughing as he approached, wrapping his arms around the shorter man's waist. Joe said something into the megaphone, but Joe didn’t near it. He just watched as the Welsh man pushed the megaphone away and brought his lips down to Joe’s cheek, kissing it sweetly.

That was certainly new.

Apparently, it wasn’t though. From what Rami told him as they sat at the old picnic tables, Joe and Gwilym had been a thing for nearly a year already. They reconnected through work and more or less fell in love along the way.

This was the first time Ben had heard of it and wished he had heard sooner. It would have saved him the trip out here, to be honest. Ben knew it was cruel, but there was no way in hell he would have agreed if he had known Joe was the one Gwilym was marrying.

They had met at the camp. The first person Ben ever met. They were bunked together and Joe was already situated, lying back on his bed reading some historical fiction novel. Ben didn’t plan on making friends and Joe didn’t seem overly thrilled with the idea either.

They had a mutual understanding as to why they were there. Ben, because his parents just didn’t want him to be around for the whole summer and Joe because, well his parents were going through some shit and didn’t want him to have to witness it.

They blended well together, far better than Ben expected. Joe wasn’t apart in any of the pranks Ben pulled, but he knew better than to try to prank him. They would have their own fun in different ways, whether it was sneaking out after the night call to sit by the water or going through the pantry to find themselves the good food that the chef tried to hide.

That was the innocent stuff, but there was more to their friendship than just that. More than friendship, to be exact though Ben didn’t like to think of that,

Especially now with the knowledge that Joe would be marrying Gwilym in just three days time.

Nailed to a tree was the rooming sheet. It brought him back to when he was a kid when the camp councilors decided who went where. It was a small camp with only three cabins. Rami, Gwilym, Joe, and Ben had all been in one, while Lucy and the other females were in the other.

Allen was in another with a few other campers, but none of them really mattered as they didn’t fit into the friend group.

Ben was brought back to the same old cabin, though this time around his roommates was different. Rami and Lucy would be sharing with him, as well as Joe.

It was a cruel twist of fate and Ben honestly thought about heading back into town to stay at a hotel or even just leaving altogether.

When he made his way into the cabin, he found Rami and Lucy had already set up camp in the bed in the corner. His own bed was empty and the bed beside his was currently taken over by the fourth member.

Ben felt his throat tighten for the second time when he laid his eyes on him. He wondered why the man wasn’t rooming his fiancé but then he guessed it had to do with tradition all that. The loving couple can’t see one another the night before the wedding bullshit.

Joe was lying back, reading a book that he had fucking written, his arm through behind his head casually. When he looked up and caught Ben staring, he smiled.

Oh, how that smile used to make him weak. Novel forgot, Joe sat up and sprang from the bed, making his way over. “Hey, Ben.” He spoke softly.

“Joe.” He greeted.

The two stood there, neither making the next move. Were they supposed to hug? The last time Joe tried to hug him, Ben shoved him away, nearly throwing him into the water of the dock.

It had been such a terrible fight that Ben was surprised Joe could even look at him, let alone smile at him as he did all those years ago.

Moving past him, Ben placed his suitcase on his bed. He only brought enough for the days they’d be there and the wedding itself. He didn’t plan on staying much longer than that.

“I’m glad you could make it,” Joe told him. “When Gwilym said he invited you, I wasn’t sure you’d come.”

“He didn’t mention you were his bride to be. Well, groom to be.” Ben confessed to him.

He cocked his head to look over to Joe, who was rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “Our relationship is kind of private. The wedding itself is basically unknown.”

Ben hummed, turning back to focus on his unpacking. There was still a small dresser draw that was used to keep all the uniforms in order. Ben pulled out his outfits of choice and carefully placed them inside. Three days. Two days and then the wedding. Ben planned on leaving the day after but he was already certain he wouldn’t be lasting much longer after the reception.

“Ben,” Joe called to him. The blond froze, clenching his jaw as he turned to face him. “I’m glad you’re here.”

Ben didn’t respond.

Ben’s parents had been having affairs. Nasty ones at that. His mum was fucking their neighbor and his dad was shacking it up with his secretary who was only a few years older than Ben. The blond had no idea if the other was fully aware of it, but it didn’t seem to matter. Instead of spending the summer with their only child and going on a family holiday, they sent him away so they could go separately.

His dad mentioned having to go away for work and his mum noted that the lovely family next door was heading down to the shore and invited her to tag along. She told Ben how boring it would be since it would just be the three adults and then two children. His mum acted like being around children would be such torture for Ben and thats why she shipped him off.

All so she would fuck a married man and his dad would stick it into someone who hadn’t even graduated university yet.

He blamed that for why he was so angry, why he acted like such a prat. Part of him figured if he was bad enough they would send him home and his parents would be forced to deal with him and their little adventures would be put to an end.

It never happened, however. He would be sent to the detention cabin and his parents would be notified on his behavior, but he was never sent home. From July to September he was forced to stay at that camp, every now and then getting a call or even a letter from his parents. He would rip the letters up without even opening them and would barely listen when they spoke during their calls.

His mum always tried to make it seem like he was having a good time, all the while Ben just kept thinking about how if that woman dared to get pregnant with his neighbor's child he wouldn’t hesitate to push her down a flight of stairs.

He didn’t think like thinking things like that and made a prompt to leave it all behind. He focused on himself and his troubles, stealing cigarettes from the councilors and wishing someone had stashed some liquor into the camp.

Ben didn’t confess his troubles to anyone but Joe though it wasn’t due to his need to vent. The two had been going back and forth between getting along and wanting to ring one another necks. Joe didn’t approve of Ben’s outburst and overall dickishness.

He too was going through shit but acting like an asshole wasn’t going to fix that. Ben knew he was right, but being called out on it just added fuel to the fire. Ben had threatened him a time or two, though Joe wasn’t scared of him. He didn’t bat an eye when Ben suggested that he throttle him or show off how good of a boxer he was.

It threw Ben off guard and he found that Joe was stronger than he appeared. Strangely enough, it brought them closer as friends. Ben wouldn’t be a jerk when Joe was around and eventually, the two found themselves opening up about the shit going on in their lives.

Ben with his parent's affairs and Joe dealing with the realization that his dad was dying. He had been sick for some time and finally decided to do treatment, but he didn’t want Joe to see. So the sent him to some camp in the middle of nowhere. Joe would have preferred to go to a writing program, but it was too expensive so they passed and chose Camp Rhapsody. It wasn’t horrible and with Ben there, Joe found himself enjoying his time there and forgetting about the terrible things going on at home.

Ben had been the one to make the first move, kissing Joe as they sat on the log in the woods. Joe was caught off guard but didn’t push him away. Ben didn’t kiss boys often. Ever, actually. He had a few girls waiting for him when he returned home, but he never bothered to do anything with a guy before. Not before Joe.

And now they were at this camp with a bunch of other horned up teenagers who were either too shy or too dumb to do anything about it. Not them, however. They were young and touch-starved and gave into the need that lingered over them.

They hid it well enough, fooling around behind closed doors and in the dark. Nobody had a single clue. Ben would still act like a moron with Rami and Gwilym while Joe would be the sweet goodie-goodie with Lucy and Allen in tow.

Fooling around quickly turned to something more. Way, way more than either boy ever imagined falling for.

Ben tried not to think of it as the years went on and he definitely tried not to think of it now, as they sat at the long supper table, eating and celebrating the union that would take place in just a few days.

Ben knew he had no right to be angry or even jealous. It all happened so long ago and he had been the one to end things. He tried to keep himself at bay and not reveal his pissy mood to anybody.

He drank his wine and ate the food that had been cooked and made small talk to those around him. He tried not to look over at the sickeningly happy couple at the front of the table and tried even harder to retire early, but Rami refused.

He practically dragged Ben over to the old fire pit when everybody else went to bed. Joe, Gwilym, Lucy, and Allen were already situated. They were drinking beer and roasting marshmallows. It reminded him of the old times. Ben sat across from Joe, trying not to think about how all those years ago they were sitting next to one another, knees touching gently. It was as close as they allowed themselves to be in front of others.

They were chatting about the old times and all the fun they had. Gwilym and Allen went back and forth mentioning this and that. Rami brought up a couple of pranks and Joe told a story about how they got one of the councilors to get poison ivy. They talked about the ridiculous talent show that had been put up. With Allen and Gwilym showing off their apparent rapping skills while Joe and Ben showed off their dancing and drumming skills respectably.

Lucy mentioned how the head of the camp, John Reid, had recently passed away much to the delight of all those around her. The man was a right bastard that nobody cared for, especially Ben.

He had been the one to find Ben and Joe one night and dragged the boys out to ring their ears about how horrible the acts were and sick it was that they would even do such things. Years later Ben found out the man was as gay as they came and was so far deep in the closet, he turned into a bloody homophobe. It was ironic in the worst of ways and Ben didn’t want to think of the damage the man had caused due to his own problems.

Why the bloody bastard didn’t run a conversion camp was beyond Ben.

They all raised a drink to death taking the man before turning in the for the night. At least Ben turned in. Gwilym and Allen stayed up and spoke a good bit longer and Rami and Lucy wanted to go for a walk to stretch out their legs.

Laying in the dark cabin with Joe just a few feet away was the worst kind of torture imaginable. He thought of all those times years ago when they would do everything they could for moments like these. And now they finally had it and . . . nothing.

The following day, Ben avoided everyone by all cost. He walked around the camp, seeing all the little things he had forgotten about. The log they used to sit on and the tree where he carved his name. The place where he and Rami used to hide to smoke and finally the docks.

Joe was sitting there, having beaten him to the punch. His legs dangled off the side, feet dipped into the water. He invited Ben to sit along with him and against his better judgment, Ben agreed. They sat together and Ben kept his gaze pointed north, though he felt Joe’s gaze on him.

“I’m not mad, you know,” Joe told him quietly. “It was a long time ago. We were just kids back then.”

“We weren’t kids, Joe.”

“We were. Seventeen years old, trying to take on the world. So much happened at once. I get why you weren’t ready.”

“Can we please not talk about this?”

How was it only painful on his end? Did Joe not care? Did he not feel the same way as Ben had? Of course, he did. He swore it up and down the last time he saw him and he tried so bloody hard to get Ben to say it back.

And he didn’t. He walked away from him and this camp, but now they are back and all those feelings and all those memories have returned. God, it was bloody awful.

“If you want to leave, you can. I’ll make something up, tell Gwil you had an emergency.”

“Is that what you want? For me to leave?” He finally looked to the brunet, his green eyes sharp as he held onto the hazel before him.

“I . . . I don’t know what I want.” Joe confessed. “I want us to be okay. I want this weekend to be fun.”

“Fun.” Ben mimicked. “We used to have fun. We had more than fun, Joe.”

“Ben, don’t do this.”

“How could you get married here? Of all places?”

“This is where Gwilym and I met.”

“This was  _our_  place, Joe!”

It was where  _they_  had met, where  _they_  had fallen in love. Where Ben realized he liked boys like he liked girls or maybe where he realized he liked one specific boy. It was also the place where they had their hearts broken. How either of them could willingly return to it was beyond the terms of understanding.

“You weren’t into him back then,” Ben mentioned cruelly. “He was gangly and odd looking.”

“Like you were some fucking Adonis.” Joe fired back. “Don’t do this, okay? Don’t make this harder than it has to be. If you’re going to be an asshole, just leave.”

“I was invited here. I can do as I please.”

“Well, I’m the groom so what I say goes. So either knock it off or go home, Ben.”

“I don’t have a home. I haven’t had one for ten bloody years.”

“And whose fault is that?”

“Are you joking?” Ben muttered, watching as Joe pushed up from the dock, his wet legs forgotten as he pushed his feet into his sandals.

“Listen, I get it. You were young, you were scared. You had a religious nut saying we were going to hell and forcing you to leave camp before it was even over. I’m not pissed about it anymore, okay? I’m not heartbroken anymore.”

“Do you feel anything about it?” Ben asked, starting to wonder if everything they had said during their three months together was just them caught up in the moment.

“What do you want me to feel, Ben? Are you even out? Are you even gay?”

Ben didn’t respond the right way. Not because he had a lack of answer, but rather there just wasn’t one. He hadn’t been with any other guy since Joe. He knew it was silly, but he chose to focus on other things like his career.

“I’m not scared anymore.” He told him quietly.

“I’m happy for you Ben, truly. But you have to make a choice.” Joe ordered him. “Move on or leave.”

Ben watched as Joe walked away from him, feeling that at that moment, it was mirroring what he had done all those years ago. He didn’t bother anybody the rest of the day, instead of locking himself away in his cabin.

He contacted a few people, like his agent and costars. Burying himself into his work was how Ben survived after leaving camp. Eventually, his parents got tired of skirting around and divorced one another, but Ben had already skipped town after that. He finished his final year and went to the acting school that accepted him. His father paid for it all and that was all Ben cared about.

He barely spoke to either of his folks, but that didn’t matter anymore. They had their own lives to live and so did Ben. He found one of Joe’s books and decided to skim it. Skimming turned into finishing it in two hours flat. Joe had always been a lovely writer but his book was something else.

How Ben had never heard of it was baffling as it should have quickly made its way up the best sellers list. Then again, the blond man spent his time reading scripts and not novels. He mentioned this to Joe later that night and also offered him a somber apology.

“It's just . . . strange. Being here again with you. Seeing you with him.”

“I get it, Ben. I do.”

“You love him, don’t you?”

“Of course I love him,” Joe replied back, giving Ben a tired look. He didn’t want to fight about this, not now.

Ben just gave a small nod. He went to sleep deciding that the next two days would be better. That he wouldn’t do anything stupid to cause any more trouble.

When the following day came, Ben tried his best to help. More guest would be arriving and the place, while nicely decorated, still had a lot of work to be done. He and Rami cleaned up as much as they could and he followed Lucy around, making the place look like the tiny romantic get away that Gwilym wanted it to be.

Every time they would take a turn, Ben would be reminded of another place where he and Joe had spent time together. They would hold hands under the table at supper and hide away in the woods, watching the stars together. They had sex all over the place, but it was against the tree where his name was carved that mattered the most. Mostly because Joe’s name was carved right beside it.

Ben was a strong lad, having done sports most of his life. He didn’t hesitate to hoist Joe up, the pale legs wrapped around his waist as he fucked into him. They had done it every way imaginable for two men to do, but this was Ben’s favorite. They were facing one another, kissing desperately and when they weren’t kissing, Ben’s mouth was on Joe’s neck. Joe’s hands were on him, holding him for dear life while they moaned and whimpered one another’s name like it was a prayer.

He marked him that night, the only and only time. They came up with something clever; the Joe had burnt himself by the fire the night before. He didn’t know if anybody bought it, but nobody said anything. Nobody knew about them or even suspected. Or maybe they did but they were nice enough to keep their mouths shut.

“I loved him, you know.” Ben had mentioned, pausing when he saw the tree. Lucy turned back, her head cocked in confusion. “When we were here. Joe and I were together for those months and I loved him.”

“Oh,” The news obviously look Lucy back and only after a moment of thinking, of reliving that last day did Lucy put two and two together.

She had been there while Ben was waiting for his father to pick him up. He had been banished from the camp, just like he wanted. He was angry and crying alone when Lucy found him. He knew she thought he was just sad to be leaving and she told him it would be all right. She promised to write to him and she did but Ben never answered those letters.

He felt terrible for it now, knowing Lucy tried so hard to be a good friend to him, but he pushed her away just as he had pushed away Joe.

He confessed to her that John Reid had spotted them one afternoon. They weren’t having sex or even doing anything overly obscene. They were sitting together, holding hands and pecking sweet kisses to one another.

It was enough for the man to see, dragging them both into his office and giving them the verbal ass kicking of a life time. In the end, Ben took the fall for it and he was the one to be kicked out. John Reid told his father what he had seen and it was something that Ben would have to face when he finally came to get him.

He let the words of John Reid tarnish the love he had for Joe; making him believe that what they did was wrong even though Ben knew better.

Lucy hugged him now, just like she had years ago. Ben knew it didn’t matter. Ben might have loved Joe first, but Gwilym loved him last and he would be damned if he did anything to hurt either of them.

That night, the group finished setting up the reception area and took the time to relax. They were drinking, listening to whatever music was playing on the stereo. The reception was garbage out in the middle of nowhere, so they were stuck listening to old CD’s.

Gwilym and Allen were sitting together, drinking some bottle that Allen had brought down for the party while Rami and Lucy were swaying on the dance floor. Joe was dancing on his own, pulling at Gwilym’s hand to get him to join him, but the taller man refused.

Gwilym had never been a dancer, not even enough to willingly bust a move to made Joe happy. Instead, he gestured to Ben, hoping the other man would take the hint. Ben approached, hoping they could settle this out right. “Old time sakes?” He asked carefully.

Joe looked away, thinking it over before going back to swaying his hips. “Try to keep up,” He said, pulling Ben onto the hardwood floor with him.

They danced like they were kids again, bouncing to the music and not caring if a single soul was watching. Joe had always loved to dance and even if Ben didn’t share the passion to the same degree, they had shared many nights on a makeshift dance floor together.

Neither kept track of how many songs had played or how long they had been dancing together. The room began to empty out until it was just them; not even Gwilym stuck around to watch as his friend and fiancé kept their eyes on only each other.

When everybody called it a night, Ben made his way down the dock, lighting a cigarette up as he sat at the edge. Joe followed him and the two sat in silence, the moon light casting over them and the water.

“I never got to congratulate you on the engagement,” Ben mentioned to him. “I hope he makes you happy.”

Joe hummed, looking down at his hands. “We work well together.” He confessed. “Not getting any younger, right? He’s my best friend.”

Ben wanted to remind Joe that you needed more than that to get married, but he knew he didn’t have the right. What they had was so long ago, it wasn’t like they could just pick up where they left off.

And where they left off wasn’t a pretty place. They were here, on this dock, with Ben screaming to Joe that everything was over and that they had to move on from it. Joe was crying, his heart completely shattered by Ben’s resistance. He held his face in his hands, swearing that he loved him and that John Reid was wrong. He would follow him anywhere and they’d escape their shitty lives and be together, but Ben pushed him away.

He shoved away the only person he ever loved, wiped away the cold tears that stained his face, and walked back up the dock so he could pack his things and leave this place for good.

Now they were back, sitting together like old times. Ben thought of all the times they would spend on this dock. All the times Ben would be the one to dive inside, leaping up and slicking his hair back. Joe would be lying there, smiling at him so sweetly. He would lean up like a mermaid on the rocks, kissing Joe like he was the sailor the mermaid had fallen for.

Ben could have stopped himself from making the next move, but didn’t. He closed the gap and kissed Joe, just like he had on the log when they were kids. Joe kissed him back, holding his head with his hand. Ben felt like heart whipping back to him like a rubber band and he just kept kissing Joe for as long as he could.

They didn’t have sex that night. Ben might be a bastard and kiss Joe, but he’d be damned if he was anything like his parents and caused a full-on affair. Gwilym was still his friend and he wouldn’t do that to him. They retuned back to the cabin, finding Lucy and Rami asleep already.

They climbed into their respected bunks and laid facing one another. They had done it often back when they were at camp. When they couldn’t be physical, they would find one another eyes and they knew it was good enough.

Ben fell asleep staring into the eyes of his first love and when he woke, he found himself alone in an empty cabin. He dressed finely, his suit fits him nicely. He joined Lucy and Rami, prepared to take their seats when he caught sight of Joe with his mother.

His father had passed away sometime in the last ten years and Ben wished he had been there for him. He wondered if Gwilym was or if Joe had to do it alone. His mother was pinning a flower to his coat and he offered her a smile.

It was enough to make Ben run. He knew he could do it. He could sit there and watch Joe and Gwilym say there vows, but he didn’t want to. Ben chose to be weak and selfish and left the camp site, walking out to the dock.

He stood on the edge, breathing deeply as he counted down the minutes. He turned back, ready to walk off to his car and drive far, far away. Maybe in his mind, he saw Joe waiting for him at the end of the dock or maybe he was really there.

Ben closed his eyes and tipped himself back until he was plunging into the water. He thought about sinking down to the bottom. Maybe if he reemerged, Joe would be waiting there for him, lying on the docks and smiling bashfully to him as he had all those years ago.

Maybe he wouldn’t be the one that got away.

Maybe Joe didn’t slip through the crack of his hands and that maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t someone else’s.

Ben didn’t know if he wanted to find out.


	2. my hearts on fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honest to god, I don't go out of my way to continue every one shot I write. 
> 
> Anyway, this came from listening to Clean Bandits song: Mama
> 
> Please check it out.

Joe felt like his heart was on fire, his eyes unable to move away from the blond across the way. This was a terrible idea. A horrible, horrific idea, caused by his own cowardliness. When Gwilym mentioned that he had run into Ben all those months ago, he should have shut it down.

He should have told the gentle giant all about their history together, but he didn’t. Truth was, he didn’t think it would matter. He didn’t think Gwilym would pop the question and he certainly didn’t think Gwilym would invite the other man to their fucking wedding.

Joe didn’t expect to fall for Gwilym when they started to hang out. They were so different and yet so alike in many ways. They worked well together. They had a wonderful partnership and Joe knew time wasn’t always going to be on their side.

Who would want to roam the world looking for someone when you could settle down with someone who initially makes you happy? Joe wasn’t asking for much. Security and honesty. He gave the same to Gwilym that Gwilym gave to him.

He just left out the part where he and Ben had been a thing back at camp ten years ago.

He told himself it was because of Ben that he didn’t say anything. It wasn’t his story to tell after all. Ben made it very clear that their time together was a mistake, that he didn’t feel anything. No, that was a lie. He knew Ben loved him. How could he not? They shared so much more than just their bodies.

The problem was love wasn’t going to fix anything. The Beatles had it wrong: you needed more than just love. They were young and hurting. They used each other and that was why Joe didn’t hold any anger towards Ben. He understood that. It took time, it took growing up, but he understood why the blond pushed him away as he did.

It hurt then, christ it hurt so badly, but Joe was just a kid.

They weren’t kids now and they could handle this properly. They could be adults and not overthink it all. Not to allow the past to dwindle in the back of their minds. Of course, that proved to be impossible because the moment he walked on the campgrounds and saw that blond, he felt like he had been thrust in time.

Joe didn’t want to go camping, but he knew he had to. It was either that or sit around and watch his father grow weaker and weaker through chemo and there was no way his parents were allowing that. He couldn’t go to baseball camp on their budget so this little place had to do.

He made friends easily because that’s just how Joe was. He was a nice kid. A good boy. People liked him. Boys and girls, though to be honest, he preferred the former. He never had a boyfriend. Hadn’t even kissed a guy up to that point, but that didn’t bother him much.

What did bother him was that fucking British blond kid that kept pulling pranks and acting like a dickhead. They shared a cabin together and on more than one occasion Joe threatened to beat his head in with a lantern. Looking back, Joe was fairly certain Ben was turned on by his anger.

Their arguments swiftly turned into sudden makeup sessions not that Joe was complaining. He was fairly aware of what happened at most sleepaway camps. He just never expected to find someone like him here. Especially someone like Ben, who was so desperate for human contact that it was almost pathetic.

They spent all their time together, though kept their relationship a secret. Not because they were afraid to be judged but rather their friends didn’t deserve to see such things. Being together, kissing and touching and all out fucking was just for them.

They would whisper to each other, speak of loving things and running away from their problems, but it never happened.

They would fuck under the stars and even go so far as to make smooth, slow love to one another, kissing and caressing when it was all over.

A little turned into a lot and gone was the quick fucks that were so much fun and it came the feeling that couldn’t be turned off. They were in love and there was no denying that. They were so lost and sad and angry and despite all the other people at the camp, it felt like all they really had was each other.

Joe didn’t know he could feel like this. He knew he liked guys, but this was different. Ben wasn’t just some guy. He was everything. They cried together, talking about their problems and the promise that they would help the other make it better. Joe believed him, he honestly did.

When they were found out, Joe tried to fight it because he still had a bit of fight left in him. He wanted more than what they were given and was so tired of people making decisions for him. His parents decided to send him away, John Reid decided they were going against God. Why the fuck couldn’t Joe do what he wanted for once?

Years later he was doing just that. He made the choice to accept Gwilym’s proposal, though he went along with Gwilym’s request to get married at the camp. Gwilym was a good friend back when they were kids, but they were never close like he and Ben were, even without the sex.

Ben knew so much about Joe, he could turn pink at the thought. When Ben arrived, he expected to find out the man was married with kids. That he forced himself into a life that he didn’t want and told himself he was happy, but alas he was single and apparently more open than ever.

Joe was glad for it. Glad that he could be open and carefree about himself, but that didn’t change anything. He was going to marry Gwilym. They had been together for a year already and even if he never felt anything for him in that one year than he did in the two days that he and Ben had been reunited, that didn’t matter.

Joe wanted to be friends. Wanted to make this work, but every single second of the day he was forced to relive something. Their first kiss, their first time. All these emotions, all trying so hard to come out in the open. Joe wanted to move on from this, but he felt the anchor that was Ben that was holding him down.

He should have just left. Why the fuck would he want to come to begin with? It certainly wasn’t to end things properly because all they did was a fight, just like when they were kids.

He felt like he was falling upside down, with everything around him changing. The life he felt so content and comfortable it had been blown away by hurricane Benjamin and all Joe wanted to do were go back to how things were before.

Ben tried to be civil, to make amends but all it did was lead him back to the past. Joe had always loved dancing and just like they were kids, Ben was the only one to be his partner. It was silly back then. Joe would twist and turn, smile and laugh at how shy the blond was. They could dance in front of people then because it didn’t matter. To the others, it was just two boys having a bit of fun.

Now he was dancing with him and he felt his heart ripping from his chest. Ben was better than he had been years earlier. He knew where to place his hands and how to twirl Joe around with ease. Their eyes barely left and for a moment, Joe had forgotten they weren’t alone.

He felt himself going back to when they were teens; dancing closely and carelessly before everything was ripped from their grasp. When everybody else went to bed, they went to the water. It was their spot. They spent so much time there, Joe felt like this was their true home.

They had their first kiss there and apparently, their last kiss too. Joe knew it was horrible, but he couldn’t stop. All these emotions running through him finally coming out in the open. He would kiss Ben forever if he could.

When morning came, he gave the blond one last look before slipping away from his cabin to get ready. His mother was there, as his father had died long ago. He missed his father desperately and wished he was there to give him the advice he needed to hear.

He decided to go for a walk beforehand, to shake off the nerves and to remind himself this was what he wanted. That he and Gwilym worked well together. They had a good partnership and marriage to him would be easy.

He made his way down to the dock without even realizing it and found Ben standing off to the edge, their eyes locking for only a moment before the blond (dressed in his suit and well-done hair) slipping into the water.

The sound of the music back at camp caught Joe’s ears and he turned slightly, his gaze falling back onto the trail. He looked back to the edge of the dock, trying his best to outweigh his options.

What does he do now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Still ambiguous but what do you think will happen? What did Joe choose?

**Author's Note:**

> No, Ben wasn't trying to kill himself in the end, he's just dramatic. 
> 
> So, what do you think? Did Joe meet him at the docks or did he go on to marry Gwilym? 
> 
> Tell me about it in the comments below.


End file.
